


Watch Me Fall

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14561136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661





	Watch Me Fall

The winters in New York were usually bearable, albeit a little too cold at times. But this? It felt like mother nature had a vendetta against us personally. I was wrapped in three blankets, a pair of fuzzy socks and my best slippers on, hell I even had a hoodie on! It wasn't fair that it was still freezing inside the compound. Tony had ensured we'd have enough heat before he left to on vacation with Pepper. And yet here I was, freezing to death slowly. Nat had gone to spend some time with Clint and his family, Sam was visiting his parents for the holiday's. Wanda and Vision were off doing their own thing, leaving me entirely alone in the compound. Well except for Bucky and Steve. Being around those two was great for the first few days, before it got unbearable. Bucky would get on edge at the snap of a finger, and Steve was so quiet you wouldn't realize where he was until he was right there. 

“Steve I swear to god, next time you do that I will chop your dick off” I threw a glare at him over my shoulder, he held his hands up in a 'hey I'm just trying to get something to eat' manner.  
“Not my fault you don't pay attention when people are walking around” Steve reached over the island and grabbed a slice of the pizza I had just set down.  
“Thank god I bought three” I mumbled before piling a plate for myself. Bucky snickered as he took a slice, stuffing it into his mouth without another word.

Dinner was spent watching movies, or well trying to watch movies would be a better description. Bucky kept trying to figure out the plot before the movie would finish. Of course that meant Steve would have to join in, and I'd keep my mouth shut the entire time. They were going to ruin the movies for themselves, I already knew how each one ended.

“Guys, shut up” Bucky's jaw dropped open as he stared over at me, Steve's eyes widened as he stared at the screen.  
“Well I'll be damned, she speaks” Bucky plopped back against the couch and crossed his arms, the plates of his arm grinding together.  
“If you didn't open your mouth as much, you'd see that I talk quite often, but I forgot who I was speaking to for a moment” Steve can't contain his laughter then, his chest heaving as he laughed silently.  
“Didn't need to be so rude about it” Bucky muttered under his breath, his nostrils flaring slightly.

I kept my mouth shut, knowing that it was better not to piss off the super soldier. Then I'd have to explain to Tony why another one of his walls was punched in. Don't use such weak walls with super soldiers around, simple. Steve had broken enough of the sandbags for him to realize that they could break things a lot easier than everyone else. Steve damn near broke down my door one morning because I had passed out the night before. He should've known I couldn't handle drinking the way he could. Tony had to ask JARVIS to let them inside before Steve even remotely calmed down. It was sort of sweet, in a weird way I guess.

Bucky called it a night when the clock reached one am, waving over his shoulder with a yawn as he left the common room. Keep it together Y/N, you're gonna be just fine, even if Steve is sitting so close I can feel his body heat warming my thigh.

“Are you tired?” Steve's eyes were locked onto the side of my face, I couldn't look at him at all. Not if I wanted to keep my cool at least.  
“A little bit” I glanced over at him, his face was soft in the dim light.  
“I'm gonna head on up to bed, if you can't sleep just come on up” Steve stood without another word and left the room.

It was quiet in the room after Steve left, not a single sound. Except for the silent whoosh of the snow hitting against the window from the storm. Maybe I could watch the snowfall for a few minutes before heading up to bed, help clear my mind for once. I stood from the couch, wrapping the blanket around myself before walking over to the windows. The snow covered every inch of the ground, people were running around together, enjoying every moment of it. I smiled softly, wanting that for myself. I couldn't have it though, not unless Tony was here at least. We always had snowball fights that lead to one of us getting sick. The smile slipped from my lips within seconds as I watched Steve step outside slowly, walking over to a blonde woman. Her eyes were shining brightly as he took her in his arms, she threw her head back in a laugh.

I couldn't help the feeling of absolute jealousy, I knew who she was. Maybe I was just too blind to see things before it got out of hand. He didn't know how I felt, the only two people that knew were Nat and Wanda. Well, Wanda found out on accident after trying to help me with a past mission. She of course kept her promise and never told Steve how I felt. Nat would make innuendo's here and there, but he never noticed them. Maybe it was a good thing he never paid attention, because watching the scene in front of me was tearing me apart inside. They held each other as if the other's life depended on it, and maybe it did. But it was what I wanted, and something I wasn't going to be able to have.

I pushed away from the window and walked over to the liquor cabinet that Tony always had stocked, I'd replace the bottle when there wasn't so much snow covering every inch of the ground. I glanced at the glasses debating, shaking my head slowly. Better not to dirty any dishes and raise suspicion. I unscrewed the cap of the whiskey and pressed the top to my lips, tipping the bottle up until the warm liquid slid down my throat. It burned, hell it felt like my throat and chest was on fire, but this was what I wanted. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the bottle away, coughing slightly as I took in how empty it was. Jesus I was a mess. No wonder he wouldn't want to be around someone like me. He wanted someone that was mentally stable, someone that was soft and warm. I grimaced and pulled the bottle back to my mouth, emptying the rest of the contents into my body. 

I threw the bottle away in the recycling, knowing Tony wouldn't be able to find it before he was home from his trip. I'd replace it by then, assure him that it was still there when it wasn't. My vision was swimming as I stepped, tried to, towards the kitchen island. My head was foggy as I gripped onto the cold surface, tears slipping down my cheeks in small rivers. This wasn't fair, why was I being punished for everything? Did life get enjoyment on kicking me while I was down? My arms lost all strength and I was slipping down onto my knees, gasping softly for air as the elevator doors opened. The lights in the kitchen were off, so whoever it was would assume I was in bed. Except they didn't, the sound of soft footsteps grew closer to me.

“Doll, what're you doing?” Bucky's voice sounded muffled, as if he was wearing a mask. I tried to look up at him, using all of the strength I had left.  
“I just wanted to forget” I gripped onto the henley he wore, the fabric felt so soft beneath my fingers.  
“Come on, you're gonna feel like shit in the morning if you stay here” Bucky knelt down and wrapped his arms around me, carrying me bridal style.

I must've passed out on the way to where he took us, when I woke up I was in a bed, but it wasn't my bed. And there was a body pressed tightly against me, an arm wrapped around my waist. The throbbing in my head indicated the hangover I was expecting. My throat was dry, and my stomach lurched at the smell of food. Whoever was cooking was definitely getting slapped when I managed to get out of this bed. It wasn't until I heard a giggle that I remembered why I was in this bed.

“Steve c'mon, they look adorable right now” The voice spoke quietly, as if trying not to disturb our sleep.  
“I know they do, but let's not wake them. That's the first time he's slept through the night in a while” I pushed myself deeper into Bucky's chest and gripped his arm tighter. He responded by wrapping his arm even tighter around my waist, burying his face into my hair.  
“Can I please take a picture of them?” Her voice raised in pitch, most likely pouting at Steve.  
“Just be quiet please” Steve chuckled and leaned against the door frame.

The sound of a camera shutter almost broke Bucky from his sleep, before he pressed tighter against my back, the warmth of his skin was so inviting. I wanted to be angry with him for taking me to his room in my state, but how could I be angry at someone for doing something to protect me? Did he know about my feelings for Steve? And he wanted to help me when I was drunk so I didn't hurt myself? The thought made my heart swell. The door shut softly, Bucky shifted as if he was waking up before he let out a soft snore. He was most definitely asleep, and I was going to ensure that he got the best sleep he's had in a while. I made sure Bucky was still asleep before sinking deeper into the mattress, pulling the blanket tighter and closing my eyes, drifting off to a place where the world couldn't hurt me.

The second time waking up was nothing like the first, Steve and his girlfriend weren't there to wake us up. My hangover was all but gone, though the sound of my stomach grumbling was loud in the room. Wait, that wasn't my stomach.

“You kick a lot in your sleep” Bucky muttered against my neck, the scruff on his cheeks dragged lightly against the skin.  
“I do if I'm having a nightmare, but I don't remember any of my dreams” I said softly, embarrassment took over my body entirely, how badly did I kick him?  
“You don't thrash around like me at least” Bucky chuckled and rolled onto his back, the air rushing in to replace the warmth of where he had just been.  
“You must've slept like a rock then, because I haven't moved at all” I rolled over to face him, the sun casting a soft glow over his features.  
“You did once, I could faintly hear Steve and Sharon talking at the door, you pressed against me as if I let you go you'd disappear” Bucky trailed his eyes over to my own, there was something in them I couldn't quite decipher.  
“It felt like that at the time” I blushed and hid my face in his chest, our legs tangling together.

There was a silence that hung in the air, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt calm, and that was rare for Bucky. He was on edge most of the time, afraid that he would be attacked from any angle. Steve wanted him to know that he was safe, but after what he went through I didn't blame him. I had been the same way when I first arrived. It was Nat that helped me get out of my scared comfort zone, and now I was close with everyone. Well, mostly everyone.

“Jarvis, play some soft music” Bucky's gruff voice broke me out of my daydream, maybe he thought I was uncomfortable.  
“Of course Sargent Barnes” I noticed Bucky's blush at the name Jarvis had given him, it was something he had once been called. 

The music filled the room slowly, I couldn't place the song or the artist, but I knew it. The song felt too sensual though, and I could feel Bucky tense underneath of me. He was about the change the song when a knock sounded at the door. Nat popped her head in before stepping inside the room. Her face was calm, the expression hidden behind her poker face so well. Maybe she had known about what happened the night before, or maybe Steve told her I crawled into Bucky's bed on my own.

“Hey, can we talk?” She raised a brow and shut the door, locking it while her hands were behind her back.  
“What's up?” I propped myself up against Bucky, tracing my fingers along his ribs.  
“What happened between you two?” She gestured with her hands between Bucky and I.  
“She was in the kitchen, and Jarvis said that her heart rate dropped significantly and it worried me, but when I found her she was sitting next to the island. And she was really drunk, crying like her life was ending that moment” I blushed, how bad had I looked to him last night?  
“Y/N, we talked about this” Nat's eyes were on me, her expression suddenly hard.  
“I broke okay? I was watching the snow and it was so pretty, but then I saw her and something in me snapped and I couldn't help it. Nat I just wanted to forget for once” I sat up away from Bucky, I felt dirty, like I had just slept with him knowing I had someone back home.

It wasn't like that though, I was still alone and Bucky was just trying to help me. Nat frowned and walked over to the end of the bed, her arms wrapping around my shoulders gently. Bucky's metal hand traced along my spine, it sent shivers all throughout my body. It was a welcomed touch though, albeit a little cold.

“You need to forget about him, it's only doing you harm” Nat whispered into my ear, though I knew Bucky heard her as well. He finally knew who this was about. The realization on his face was haunting as he gripped the sheet.  
“Easy for you to say” I muttered against her shoulder, tears threatening to slip down my cheeks again.  
“I'll kick his ass” Bucky's tone is what broke Nat and I apart, his eyes were full of rage. 

He threw the blanket off of his legs before getting out of the bed, stomping over to the door. Nat jumped up to block his path, but he pushed her aside as if it took no strength at all. I bit my lip roughly and ran so I was blocking the door with my body. He growled low in his throat and glared at me, his left hand gripping my throat, he didn't apply any pressure.

“Don't go after him Buck, he doesn't know the truth. He'd think you're doing this because of your past” I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, if he was going to hurt me, I was determined to get in a few hits of my own.  
“He hurt you” Bucky's voice was calmer, the rage in his eyes was slowly dissipating.  
“He doesn't know he did, he doesn't need to know he hurt me” Nat was swaying on her feet when she stood up, I shook my head at her.   
“But” His grip on my throat was gone, a frown pulling on his lips.  
“No buts, he doesn't need to know James” Bucky's eyes were alight with something I couldn't quite decipher.  
“Let's go eat some lunch, yeah?” Nat was trying to break up the tension of the room.

Bucky and I each nodded before leaving the room. Steve was the only person sitting in the kitchen when we arrived, his eyes landing on Bucky before trailing over to me. I wanted to grip onto Bucky and hide, and before I could think his arm had slipped around my waist. Steve's eyes darkened before he went back to his tablet. Nat decided on grilled cheese sandwiches, they wouldn't upset my stomach, and she made some of the best grilled cheeses.

“Late night huh?” Steve finished his coffee, his eyes flicking over to Nat before landing back on Buck who looked ready to kill.  
“Just a little, y'know how nightmares can be” Bucky was taunting him, ready for him to attack at a moments notice. Steve pulled his lips back, glaring at him.  
“Oh I know, especially after a night of drinking” Steve's eyes were on me for less than a second, going right back to Bucky.  
“Too bad you can't get drunk, be nice to see a non asshole side of you” Nat nearly dropped the sandwich she was trying to flip. The room became silent.

Everyone was tense, eyes glancing from one person to another. Steve pushed his seat away before standing up, slamming his hands onto the island. Bucky was on the opposite side, trying to make himself bigger than Steve. Nat turned off the burner and faced the two men, she was afraid of how bad a fight would be if it were to break out.

“The master has returned home!” Tony walked into the kitchen with a laugh, not noticing the tense atmosphere at first.  
“Good to see you again” Nat picked up one of the sandwiches and began to slowly eat, her eyes never leaving Steve or Bucky.  
“I know I already sent out the emails, but tomorrow's new years eve so we are going to celebrate” Tony clapped his hands together and called Jarvis to began preparations.

Steve was the first to back down, picking up his tablet before he left the room in a huff. Why was life trying to make everything around me as miserable as I was?

“We have to prepare for one of Tony's parties, so let's go” Nat gripped onto my arm and pulled me out of the kitchen, shoving a sandwich into my hands before we made it to her room.

Let's hope things don't go as sourly this time around.

New Years Eve

The room was done up so elegantly that you wouldn't know there were trained assassins, super soldiers, and gods in the same room. The air wasn't tense when Bucky and I walked in together, arms linked nervously. He hadn't wanted to go at all, but I begged for him to join me. He reluctantly agreed, and before he knew what was happening Tony had him in a deep blue navy suit. His hair slicked back, he refused to shave though, and I was a little grateful for that.

“I'm gonna get a drink, try not to get into another argument please” I patted Bucky's arm gently and headed over to the bar. I was sticking to a light drink, no more whiskey.

I took a quick shot of vodka before sipping on my wine, the sweet taste coated my tongue. I turned and looked around the room before locking eyes with Steve. The smile he had was gone in an instant, shit. I finished my glass of wine and set the glass back onto the bar before heading down to find Bucky. He was the only thing that would keep me sane at this party. Two arms wrapped around my waist before turning me around. A hand held my waist tight, the other gripping onto my hand as we danced slowly. I gritted my teeth and looked up at Steve slowly.

“I didn't realize you and Buck were so close” Steve's voice was taunting, he knew how much Bucky and I bickered from time to time.  
“Well, we've gotten passed the hating each other phase” I said with a fake smile, I knew he'd see right through it.  
“I know, I stumbled upon you sleeping in his bed, care to explain?” He raised a brow and held tighter so I couldn't get from his grip.  
“I was a little drunk, and he was probably afraid I'd hurt myself, you should know I don't get drunk often” The wine I had earlier was burning my stomach slowly.  
“Find that hard to believe, he wouldn't come to your rescue because you had too much to drink” Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes, I had to keep everything in to prevent myself from crying.  
“Well he did, why do you care anyway?” I could feel my resolve breaking, looking around for Bucky, or Nat, anybody that wasn't Steve.  
“Well I used to have a crush on you, really bad too, but you never showed any interest so I just brushed it off. Ended up seeing Sharon and things just fell into place, it felt right. So, what, are you using Buck to make me jealous or something?” Steve looked down at me, my resolve was gone completely. My heart was shattered as we stood together, no longer dancing.  
“You piece of shit” I pulled from his grip and slapped him across the face, I didn't care if it hurt him or not.

I turned on my heel and left the room as the tears began. How could I let myself be so blind? He said he had a crush on me, but yet I was the one who was supposed to make the first move? Was he being serious!?

I pushed open the doors to the balcony and breathed in the cold air, it chilled me down to my bones but I didn't care, all I wanted to do was scream. Scream at the world for putting me through hell, and never letting go. The doors opened behind me slowly, surely Steve trying to figure out why I was so upset, why I had run away.

“Go away Rogers, I don't want to speak to you” I spat the words, no longer hiding the anger I had deep inside.  
“It's Barnes, but I can understand the honest mistake” Bucky, goddamn that man.  
“Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone to find me” I straightened myself up and turned to face him, he had removed the glove from his left hand, the metal glinting softly in the dim moonlight.  
“I saw you run out of the hall, I wanted to make sure you were okay” Bucky walked closer and held his arms around me. Did he hear what Steve had said to me? How he broke my heart in a matter of seconds?  
“I am now, being outside helps a lot” I held my arms around his neck and breathed in his cologne, it was spicy, smokey at the same time. It reminded me of the whiskey.  
“The balls going to drop soon, let's go inside and watch it” Bucky took his arms from my waist and walked inside slowly, beckoning me to follow him.

I blushed and took his arm gently, walking back into the hall where everyone was. They were counting down the time, only thirty seconds to go before the new year. Bucky slipped his arm around my waist, his eyes landing on Steve who had an arm around Sharon. They each scowled at one another, huffing before turning back to watch the ball get closer. An idea popped into my head as I bit my lip gently. I reached my hand up and gripped the loose strands of Bucky's hair, leaning up as the ball finally dropped, our lips pressing flush together.

Kissing him was something I don't think I'd ever get tired of, the beard on his chin and cheeks rubbed against my own cheek and chin as we slowly kissed. He didn't want to rush, and soon enough I forgot about everyone else in the room. Cheering as they each kissed their partner, their loved ones holding onto them with a laugh. His own hands trailed up to grip my hair, his tongue gliding along my lower lip slowly. I parted my lips slowly as he slipped his tongue in, the taste of whiskey on his breath as we kissed.

“Damn! Looks like Barnes finally got a kiss” Sam was laughing while Nat stood by him with a knowing smile. Bucky and I finally broke apart, his eyes wide. Our lips were pink, swollen from the soft kisses.  
“Really? Did you have to ruin it with that comment Sam?” I asked looking over at him, keeping my hand in Bucky's hair.  
“Hey, you two were already kissing when I made the comment” Sam looked at me with a smirk, he did have a point there.  
“Get over yourself man, let them enjoy one another for a little while” Nat handed him a shot glass and laughed at the eyebrow he raised at her.

Bucky shook his head, watching as Nat challenged Sam to a drinking game, one he politely declined knowing full well that Nat would wipe the floor with him.

“Now that those goons are distracted, where were we?” Bucky smiled and held my cheek gently, his left hand pressing into my back.  
“Ahem” A voice broke us out of our trance as we glanced over at Tony who had an eyebrow raised.  
“Hey” I cursed myself for getting so transfixed on Bucky, I didn't need a lecture from Tony now.  
“Seems like you two kids are nice and cozy, but someone would like to talk to you” Tony gestured over his shoulder to where Steve was standing. I knew he wanted answers. He wasn't going to like the ones I was about to give him.

I assured Bucky I would be fine, he could hang around and watch Nat and Thor try and beat each other at drinking. He laughed and headed over to the bar to keep himself entertained and preoccupied. Walking over to Steve was a lot more nerve wracking than I'd ever admit to anyone. He was frowning before I got the chance to reach him.

“I wanted to apologize about what I said earlier” That caught me off guard, I was sure this all had to do with the kiss between Bucky and I.  
“I'm not blind Rogers, I know you saw how I felt, but what? Were you afraid it wouldn't of worked out and I would've been hurt? Is that why you just pushed me off when I tried to show my interest?” The words came out faster than I could think, my heart was overtaking my brain.  
“I knew it wouldn't of worked out, and yes I wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt because of me” I frowned and crossed my arms. It felt so selfish.  
“You didn't bring her around before, why now?” I asked looking up at him, he knew who I was referring to.  
“I wanted to make sure she wouldn't get hurt because of who I am, then I realized I can't protect everyone forever, so I wanted her to meet everyone. But then she found you and Bucky sleeping together in his bed and I couldn't help but feel jealous. You looked so peaceful in his bed, even though I knew you drank that bottle of whiskey the night before.” I opened my mouth, but Steve cut me off.  
“You were unhappy I know, but I didn't want to make you feel any worse so I brought her when I could. Plus, you deserve someone that can give you their full attention” His eyes were locked on Bucky who was laughing, genuinely laughing for once.

I couldn't help but watch the way his eyes wrinkled at the sides, his lips pulled back as he laughed at something Nat, or Sam said. Most likely Nat, him and Sam were close, but Nat was always cracking jokes around him. My heart swelled with pride as I watched him, was this what it felt like to be in love?

“I've seen the way he looks at you, I used to do the same thing” Steve placed his hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me towards Bucky.  
“Thank you” I looked at him, a small smile on my lips.  
“No need, go be happy” Steve turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd.

I walked over to Bucky slowly and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, he jumped slightly before relaxing when he caught sight of me. The smile on his lips was so warm, I was determined to be the person who put it there everyday.

“C'mon, you can't tell me you had no idea it would happen” Sam was arguing with Nat who simply raised a brow at her.  
“I didn't, they're quite secretive when they wanna be” Nat sipped her drink, how she handled drinking so much was beyond me.  
“Hey, we're still here y'know?” Bucky waved a hand around, his eyebrow raising at the two of them bickering.  
“Oh we know, you're kinda hard to miss tin man” Sam snickered as Bucky glared at him.  
“Be nice bird man, he's a senior citizen” Nat laughed, throwing her head back as Bucky looked down at me in shock.

Everyone who had been close enough to hear us erupted in laughter. The room was buzzing with excitement, though I was sure most of the people had been drunk, or at least on the way there. Bucky kept an arm around my waist, keeping the conversation flowing between everyone. The party wasn't going to be ending anytime soon, and Bucky was ready to rip the suit off his body and collapse into bed.

“Let's go lay down, I need to get these heels off” I muttered as Bucky and I made our way up to his bedroom.

I yawned deep and let Bucky lead the way, he was already stripping off the suit, helping unzip the back of my dress with ease. He stopped once all of the buttons of his shirt were undone, a nervous look in his eyes. I bit my lip gently and let the dress pool at my feet, leaving nothing except for my bra and panties. Bucky's cheeks erupted in a blush as he pushed off his slacks, leaving the shirt on still.

“Buck?” I stepped closer, placing my hands on his arms gently, was he afraid of getting undressed?  
“The scars aren't pretty, I don't want you to be afraid of what you see” Bucky looked at me over his shoulder, his eyes were showing how nervous he was.  
“Doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere” I grip the fabric tighter in my hands, pulling the shirt off of his shoulders.

He isn't lying about the scars, they look painful, angry in a sense. But it's still him, it's still part of Bucky. I lean forward and gently place my lips against the scars, he sucks in a breath through his teeth, forcing himself to calm down.

“These don't define you Buck, you're still one of the strongest people I've met” I knew Bucky couldn't see me, so I slipped on the dress shirt, buttoning it up until only the top of my chest was showing. Taking off the bra I had on underneath. If I was going to sleep, might as well get comfortable.  
“Thank you” He turned around to face me, his jaw dropping open at my state of undress.

I smiled and crawled into his bed, laying down on my designated side. It didn't matter if people would say we were moving too fast. The only thing that mattered was him and I. Bucky shook his head and crawled into the bed, his arms wrapping tightly around my waist. His chin resting against my shoulder. It felt like home where I was. This was where we were each meant to be.


End file.
